I love school breaks, even if I have assignments to do during them. School breaks allow me a much-needed break in routine, a chance to stop doing what my teachers expect me to do and start doing what they want me to do: thinking, reading, writing, drawing. In other words, expanding the stretches of my mind. I not only have time to do the things I need to turn in and receive a grade on, I have time for the personal projects and little inklings of ideas floating about in my mind. It doesn't matter whether the art or the vignette is with my own characters or not. what matters is I am practicing and getting more skilled the more I do. It's very exciting for me when I am given a copious amount of time to do the things I love the most.
But I can't. Because there's other things to do.
Here is my to-do list:
1. Family. My parents may plan a little outing or have me run errands with them, which I don't mind. Extended family may call on the phone, which I don't mind. My sister will decide that pestering me and anchoring herself to my bed is a lot more fun than her videogames or toys or TV shows, which I do mind. But I know that I can't ignore her indefinitely and keep working, much as I may want to. The fact is, she requires a lot more attention and human contact than I do. Craves it, burns for it. School breaks are not good for her for this reason. If she can't book a playmate, she's scratching at my door for attention and love, and it is my duty as her sister (and the only human present in the house during the workday) to give it to her. But only a little bit at a time.
2. Friends. I adore my friends. But since I myself am not the most talkative or outgoing among my peers, I tend to attract the type that is. And since I myself am not the type that desires human contact all the time 24/7 nonstop happy friendly fun time yay, the type that I attract is. I don't know how this works, but it does. I do not know how to say no to them, but I must when it goes too far. My father commented at dinner last night that it's like my friends have never left because they text me all the time. Take note, I only have two texting friends. The rest seem to leave me alone. So when I try to convince them that I'm not popular, I am saying that the other people who know me don't talk to me a tenth as much as they do.
3. Spiritual obligation. Now, this doesn't ever leave my list. Ever. But it can seem like a rather hopeless effort at times when I don't feel particularly comfortable with most of the people there, and the ones I do feel at ease around are all older than me. Adults, with their own lives and problems. So I feel rather invisible at times, and when I am one of the only ones answering questions during class, I feel so painfully visible and alone. I'm drawing all over the bulletins now so I don't have to socialize.
With these three things factored into my life every day or every week, the time that I can do my favorite thing in the world is precious. I cannot waste it.
But I can't. Because there's other things to do.
Here is my to-do list:
1. Family. My parents may plan a little outing or have me run errands with them, which I don't mind. Extended family may call on the phone, which I don't mind. My sister will decide that pestering me and anchoring herself to my bed is a lot more fun than her videogames or toys or TV shows, which I do mind. But I know that I can't ignore her indefinitely and keep working, much as I may want to. The fact is, she requires a lot more attention and human contact than I do. Craves it, burns for it. School breaks are not good for her for this reason. If she can't book a playmate, she's scratching at my door for attention and love, and it is my duty as her sister (and the only human present in the house during the workday) to give it to her. But only a little bit at a time.
2. Friends. I adore my friends. But since I myself am not the most talkative or outgoing among my peers, I tend to attract the type that is. And since I myself am not the type that desires human contact all the time 24/7 nonstop happy friendly fun time yay, the type that I attract is. I don't know how this works, but it does. I do not know how to say no to them, but I must when it goes too far. My father commented at dinner last night that it's like my friends have never left because they text me all the time. Take note, I only have two texting friends. The rest seem to leave me alone. So when I try to convince them that I'm not popular, I am saying that the other people who know me don't talk to me a tenth as much as they do.
3. Spiritual obligation. Now, this doesn't ever leave my list. Ever. But it can seem like a rather hopeless effort at times when I don't feel particularly comfortable with most of the people there, and the ones I do feel at ease around are all older than me. Adults, with their own lives and problems. So I feel rather invisible at times, and when I am one of the only ones answering questions during class, I feel so painfully visible and alone. I'm drawing all over the bulletins now so I don't have to socialize.
With these three things factored into my life every day or every week, the time that I can do my favorite thing in the world is precious. I cannot waste it.
