Darbaneezer Scrooge, Resident Sadist

My new name around the Davis residence here in Midwest City in Oklahoma is Darbaneezer Scrooge. I want to clearly establish with my readers that I AM NOT ANTI-CHRISTMAS. I am anti-cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies. I was forced to sit through one tonight and made a few comments (rebukes) on the movie. It was yet another big city-meets-small town movie fodder with bad acting and cookie-cutter dialogue. Everyone knows, when you watch one of these movies, the chimes always mean magic is in the air! The one thing I can say for the movie is at least their Santa had an actual beard. Maybe the long shopping day and Festivus, along with the ever-sarcastic human half of Calvin and Hobbes at his best in the tenth anniversary collection of my grandparents' have brought out my inner sadist. I simply must make fun of the lame dancing and fake tears flashing on the screen in front of me. How anyone can like these movies I'll never know. I guess I have the same questions about how anyone can get so remarkably famous for a pretty stupid outburst, what exactly makes a person interested in math, and why we believe all we see on TV. I am also unaware of how to copy/paste on a Mac, how exactly to make a point to you people who read this, and how to understand heavy southern accents. I am learning, however, how to please my teachers, how to wrap Christmas gifts, and how to survive an 18-hour car ride. Hopefully 2011 will teach me more, and leave me with more interesting questions.

Impatiently waiting!!!

I am struggling to be patient right now.
It's the last week of school before break, as the other students of Cobb, Paulding, and Cherokee county schools know, and everyone is antsy, including this cool, calm collected chick who merely smiles on the last day of school. (Well, maybe just in the building. 'Tis tradition that I scream, "YES!!!" as I step off the bus, yearbook in hand.) We simply cannot contain our glee, even after most of us have shaken off the Santa fiasco. The teachers throw us death looks, but no one cares as we give each other special notes, presents, and noogies, all conveying the message, "Merry Christmas!" The adolescents are ballistic, and the teachers all decide that homework in this final stretch is too much trouble. Still, in the Advanced Content classrooms, final exams pop up right and left. Visions of sugarplums, not formulas and possessive pronouns, dance in the student body's collective head. The holidays are now taking their annual toll on parents and teachers, who must either house or teach the raging fireball, hyper on candy canes, that is the nation's children. Shopping, cooking, wrapping, and much blood, sweat, and tears are given from the adults, all to satisfy the younger generations apparent need for plastic toys and, as featured in Museum Tour's annual catalog, giant raspberry-like things that are, "designed for belly-bumping and belly laughing good times." The question is, how are you able to move through doorways? If it truly is designed for indoor/outdoor use, then wouldn't more things get broken by small flailing arms and legs, distraught children attempting to get back on their feet? I will never understand the consumer's idea of value. Wooden elephants the size of potatoes for $60? Absinthe kits? Model planes, trains, and automobiles for hundreds apiece that take 2 years to assemble? I now understand why more people of the younger generation are asking for never-fail gift cards--some peoples' "good taste in gift items" is slim to none. Besides, it's more fun to buy things yourself.

The reason I'm so tired right now

Last night, our BHYM group did something we'd never done before.
We sang.
(At another church. ((with 4 kids in the whole youth group.(((combined with another youth group.((((with the same number of kids--4))))))))))
I love parentheses. :)
Anyhow, I could barely sing in church, my voice was so tired.
I couldn't sit comfortably, either, because I think I bruised my tailbone when I fell out of a hammock.
And I could barely hold my eyes open, because I was so tired.
But I was happy.
Until Mom and Dad snitched me out of my class to go to a brunch filled with our entire senior citizen population.
Fun, fun.
At least I got a good omlette.
We had so much fun singing, and had fun singing so much, that we couldn't stop, even with how much our fragile voices cracked and creaked.
We sang the whole way home.
Man, what a night.
:) :) :)

C'mon, Santa, pull through for me...

DRUUUUUMRRRRRROLLLLLL PLEEEEEEEEEASE!!!

(brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....)

DARBY FRANKS'S CHRISTMAS LIST!

(cymbal clash)

***

I've tried to organize it a bit this year. I'll list the more big-ticket stuff first. I'm not trying to seem stuck-up, but my family is begging me. So here goes:

BIG-TICKET ITEMS
Kindle
iTouch
Creative Cosmetics kit
Candy Factory kit
a neat ice cream maker for the family

SMALL-TICKET ITEMS
Edward Gorey book-lover's tee
Target black graphic flowers wall stickers
new wall art from The Whimsical Nest
black plaid rain boots
Careful, or you'll end up in my novel tee
Absinthe kit (just kidding!)

Here's to hoping that the good ol' fat guy's gonna pull through for me!

A rather bookish meme

Found this little self-quiz from all my fellow bibliophiles (and those of you who just love to hear my opinions of literary stupendousness.)

1. Hardback, trade paperback or mass market paperback?
Like many bibliophiles, I like hardback for collecting. For example, I have the entire Hunger Games series in hardback (with signed bookplates from Suzanne Collins herself!!!) and a lot of Shel Silverstein. 


2. Barnes & Noble or Borders?
Barnes & Noble, baby. I grew up in that store, and I love the atmosphere in there.


3. Bookmark or dog-ear?
I try to bookmark. Scraps of notebook paper, used tissue, fancy leather bookmarks for 5 dollars, anything's fine.


4. Amazon or brick and mortar?
Brick and mortar. You cannot physically browse the shelves of Amazon.com, pick up the book, read the back cover, or even smell the new paper unless you work there. 


5. Alphabetize by author or alphabetize by title or random?
No order whatsoever. It drives my poor mother to madness that I don't even have them by genre, and she is the one who attempts to tame the wildness of my bookshelf. All my Amelia books and Shel books are together, at least.


6. Keep, throw away, or sell?
AI-AI-AI! These words sting my soul! Don't even think about throwing books away! At least donate them! Those little boxes in grocery store parking lots, where you donate books? There's actually a place where the unloved books go! Give old books to friends, or donate them at school libraries! Just DON'T THROW THEM AWAY!!!
Ahem.
*patting down hair*
Where were we?
Oh, right...


7. Keep dust jacket or toss it?
Only if the book it belongs to is very special. Otherwise, let's just say I don't have the same affection for dust jackets as I do the books they fit over.


8. Read with dust jacket or remove it? If it's a special book, then yes. If not, bookmark it. I have a few books that seem to have a dust jacket built in--which is great, because the flaps at the sides can be bookmarks.


9. Short story or novel?
Novel. If I ever were to write, I'd do short stories, and I occasionally like the collections that some people do, but novels are more satisfying to finish.


10. Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket?
Call me lazy, but I like Lemony Snicket a bit better. The way he writes is so neat. It rather reminds me of The Book Thief with the darker humor. He's written other books besides the Unfortunate series, like his autobiography and Horseradish.


11. Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
When I'm passed out on the couch at 11:00 with the lights on. I am a marathon reader, IF the book is good enough.


12. "It was a dark and stormy night" or "Once upon a time"?
Definitely "dark and stormy night." One of my favorite books of all time started that way, and a more ominous story is the best read for a person like me.


13. Buy or borrow?
Borrow, but I buy when I can. I love libraries, trade-in used bookstores, and anywhere else where love in literature are free.


14. New or used?
Either is fine with me!


15. Buying choice: book reviews, recommendations, or browse?
Recommendations, usually from my aunt Jamie. Sometimes our entire phone conversations are solely based on books--one of the best conversations you can have, if you ask me.


16. Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
Cliffhanger. Making up the rest is the best part!


17. Morning reading, afternoon reading, or nighttime reading?
Like Ms. Boston Bibliophile here says, any time to read is a good time to read.


18. Stand-alone or series?
Series. Some series get tired and the facts don't line up, like the Nurse Matilda books, but the ones that don't host my favorite books EVER.


19. Favorite series? 
Oh, don't even try to make me pick!!!


20. Favorite children's book?
Olivia. That little drama queen piggie reminds me of my little 6-year-old self so much...


21. Favorite YA book? 
A Wrinkle in Time. Not much other competition there.


22. Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
Kira-Kira. Made me cry.


23. Favorite books read last year?
Alice in Wonderland
Speak
Call Me Hope
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma
Take Me Back


24. Favorite books of all time?
A Wrinkle in Time
Alice in Wonderland
The Outsiders
Olivia
Sherlock Holmes
a few Dear America books
The list goes on!


The meme goes on for even more than this, but a few of you in the audience appear to be snoring. Ending my attempt to entertain you in 5...4...3...2...1...0...
*poof*

Albuquerque, our dead turkey

The smell of paint is annoying my nose as I type, but Roxy's room will look great. Turquoise blue works for her. Anyway, I just wrote a parody, to another parody. A paro-parody, I guess.

*AHEM!*
(guitar strumming)
"I wrote this song on the back of a Dixie cup...here it goes...1, 2, 3, go."

Albuquerque, our dead turkey, he's been rooooooasted ooh so fiiiine,
Used to woooobble, used to goooobble, bu-UT noooooow we can diiiine!"

"Thank ya. Thankyaverymuch."


Happy Turkey Day, and remember that all is fair in love and war, SNL can save our lives, and don't forget to shave your squirrel.

A journey to the center of an advertising empire! (DUN DUN DUUUUUN!)

Pop quiz: What is the most universally recognized brand on the planet? To Atlantans, it's obvious--Coca-Cola. It's the soft drink running the show all over the universe. Mom got really upset one day when I called Sprite soda, which is what it is. She says, "NOOOOOO! WE LIVE IN THE SOUTH! YOU CALL 'SODA' COKE!!!!!" My father the Montana Man laughs out loud and elaborates on Mom's theory. "Hmmm. She wants to call all sodas Coke, regardless of brand. That may make getting a Fanta veeeerrry difficult..." I pictured a scene at a soda counter:

SODA JERK: "What drink would you like, m'am?"
CUSTOMER: "Oh, a Coke please."
SJ: "What kind? We have diet, cherry, vanilla, regular...?"
C: "I told you--Coke!"
SJ: "Okay, okay! (muttering) Some people get wound up over the littlest things..."

A few moments later, he brings her a glass of original Coke.

C: "This isn't what I wanted!"
SJ: "But it's a Coke!"
C: "No, no, no...this is a Coke. I wanted a Coke." 

The soda jerk, feeling exasperated, takes her behind the counter to point out what she means. After rejecting all the types of Coke the counter had to offer, she points to the dispenser for orange Fanta.

C: "See, Coke!"
SJ: "You're from the Southeast, aren't you?"
***
I made a little journey to the center of the company with familia Franks in tow. Coca-Cola certainly did its job well. I probably had more ads pumped into me in 3 hours than 17 from watching TV. They really are very skilled marketers, appealing to pretty much everyone. If I offered you the choice between a glass of water and a glass of Coke, you'd probably take the Coke, and that percentage would go up if I told you that your diet wouldn't suffer. They offer many exhibits and attractions: a large room chock-full of memorabilia, a tool to make your own Coke ad, an exhibit of Coke history, and a free-of-charge 4-D theater. They show what happens inside a bottling company, which was one of my favorites. If any of my readers have ever seen the show How It's Made, you have a pretty good idea of what it looks like. The Tasting Room, however, is literally world-famous.
Some of my fellow Georgians (and anyone else who has been to the World of Coke) share in my knowledge that the T.R. (Tasting Room) includes all the flavors they make, good and really, really icky. Take the apple soda from China whose name I forgot. That was the wateriest drink besides water I have ever tasted, with the strangest flavor I have ever tasted. I would not think of apples if I hadn't seen the label.
While I was at that fountain, 2 girls were there, too. One was about my age and the other was a toddler. The toddler got a sample of the apple soda, took one sip, and spit it out, saying, "EEW!" The older girl and I looked at each other and giggled. "Is it really that bad?" I inquired. "I guess," she said, stepping aside to find her. A minute later they seemed to Apparate in front of me when I had the apple drink in my hand. Taking a sip, my face must have said it all. They both were laughing as I dumped mine into the trash. That drink, however, was nothing on the infamous Beverly from Italy. I don't think the Coca-Cola company prides itself on that drink. They even made a joke about it in a short film we watched. "Hey, you wanna make these newbies try the Beverly?" It tasted bitter as wormwood and fish oil pills combined. All of the fam tried it but Mom. Come to think of it, she hardly sampled anything. Hmmm...but the flavors get stranger! I tried one drink from Djibouti (sounds like JA-booty) first, because in social studies we're studying Africa. So far, my favorite country to say out loud is Djibouti. (insert snigger here) It tasted like spearmint mouthwash with carbonated water in it. Not bad, but weird. At a counter, they offered mixed drinks and special seasonal flavors of Coke. Dad's favorite was gingerbread Coke. Honest! It smelled like gingerbread! My personal favorite was the one Dad didn't like that was plainly gross--Inca Kola. It's from Peru and is the fizziest cream soda to date.
I really enjoyed the museum, but our romp through Atlanta wasn't over! We stopped by a burger joint in Virginia Highlands District for lunchnner. That's lunch and dinner combined, folks! Biggest. Burger. I.  Have. Ever. Seen. I got a burger full of B's: a bison burger with bacon jam and BBQ sauce. I ate the whole thing. Mom could only handle half. Ha-ha! We did a little shopping, and crawled back home. We also got some bad news--my grandfather has cancer again. I still enjoyed our day, despite the bad news. Keep him in your prayers.

Halfway there...

This is what the streets of Kennesaw looked like in October, but the very same tree's leaves are gone. It's a rather interesting part of fall right now, when it's coming to a close at the very end of the month. This has been one of the longest autumns I've seen yet. It feels like the trees are finally deciding to end it, and are sort of dropping the show all at once. Fall and winter are my favorite seasons, and right before December, you get the same feeling you do right in the middle of July--you're halfway there. You may or may not be happy about it, but life goes on and you need to go with it. It'll be cold and dark, but 25 days in is the best holiday of the year. After that, it's just a matter of getting through the new year's month, and the fickle weather of Febuary. Then there's quite a bit of rain, and depending on what the groundhog says, there may be short sleeves earlier than usual. One of my FAVORITE poems is "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost
New Hampshire
1923

Wishing my readers a happy Thanksgiving and stressless Christmas shopping.

First post...I...can't...hardly...breathe...and Harry Potter!

Someone has got to pinch me.

I am probably dreaming.

Why else would I be building so much suspense for...the coming event.

The upcoming...

...

...

BLOG POST.

(Oh my gosh! screams you. A blog post, by Darby Kate Franks herself! you shriek. On her own BLOG!!!!!!)

People, people, CONTAIN YOURSELVES!! It's all very exciting I know, but I have places to go and people to see, things to do!

(Well, not really.)

But honestly, now. Is my blog THAT impressive to you? Do us both a favor, and don't get that excited again.

***

Alright, I guess that's enough self-pride for one night. For new readers, I just wanted to build a lot of suspense and then cut you off, like the end of[SPOILER ALERT!! SPOILER ALERT!!]Harry Potter 7. Best Harry yet, those Harry-haters who posted nasty reviews about "how SLOW it was" and "it's so DARK and GRIM!" In case you haven't noticed, reviewers, there's snakes popping out at you and Death Eaters flying right and left. And it's rather a dark, grim story, so naturally it would have a dark, grim movie. I want them to see the movie again, and look at it from the perspective of a person who's actually READ the 700-so pages of Deathly Hallows. I was surprised, even with two parts, how much detail they could squeeze in to 2 1/2 hours. Hermione was lovely, and remains my favorite character of the three. Bellatrix makes a big debut, with even bigger hair, if that's even possible. I tried to capture it with my hair eu naturale, but it didn't really work, as shown.

Hey! Readers! Don't leave me! Bookmark the address! Tell your buddies! And while your at it, get me a frappy capp!